I overslept this morning. I woke up to Axton on the baby monitor talking to himself in his crib. So sweet. I had 30 minutes to get up, take a shower, get him fed and changed and dressed and get myself ready and leave to go to church for worship practice. We were only 15 minutes late...and they hadn't started practice yet, so that was good!
When I have Axton and I don't have the other two kids, I need to keep him with me during practice and sometimes, depending on his mood or how curious he is, that can be pretty difficult. Today was an absolute joy. He let me hold him while we sang, he sang into the microphone a couple of times, he got down and walked around and bounced up and down to the music, smiling and laughing, he went and got into Christina's bag and got out her tambourine and put it on his head...he got 2 shakers out and carried them around...it was so cute. He asked for gum and I got him some and he walked around looking for the trash can and threw the wrapper away. Practice was about an hour long and he was good the whole time. It was just so cool. I love how much he loves music.
I am always nervous singing in front of people. I do it because God has given me a gift and I feel like I would be disobedient if I didn't use it for Him. I was even more anxious today because I was going to be singing a new song...and then we had returning visitors and 3 new ones. This song is very dear to my heart and was requested by one of our past team members...he wanted me to sing it and had it put on the song list. A few days ago, he and his wife left our church and I have been really sad about that. Disturbed may even be a better word. So this song...It Is Well (Bethel Music)...kind of echoed my heart this morning. I got lost in the song, felt the Spirit move in that place, and all my anxiety melted away. It was just me and God there...and I sang to Him as if we were the only two in the room. That was good stuff.
The message today was on Forgiveness. I tend to push aside the pain when someone hurts me...and think to myself, I'm okay. I'm okay. And although I have forgiven almost everyone in my life for every wrong that has ever been done to me, there is one person that I found that I still haven't forgiven. Every time I feel the anger rise up in me because this person did some horrible intentional things, I replay the tape of all of it over again. And it hurts all over again. This is a person that, by nature, thinks they never do anything wrong...the blame is always someone else's...so there will never be an apology. And I suppose that is why it is harder for me to forgive. But there I was, sitting there this morning watching the video that my pastor chose to fit the message, and crying...because the pain is still that fresh. And most of the time I don't allow myself to feel it. His challenge to all of us was...not to just forgive...but to actually look for ways to serve those who have hurt us. Wow. That is really a tall order. But God is a forgiving God....who sent His perfect, sinless Son to die for all of our sins...past, present, and future...before we ever even asked forgiveness. In that case, serving those who hurt us doesn't really seem that much to ask.
This is the video that went with the message today...
Tomorrow's a new day, God. Surprise me.
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