OMG Becky...

The  other day Maddie said in this valley girl accent, "Oh my gosh, Becky!"  I started laughing hysterically because it has been FOREVER since I heard that!  So she asked me why I was laughing and I told her, "there was this song years ago that had a line at the beginning that said, 'OMG Becky....LOOK AT HER BUTT!'"  We laughed about it and I thought it was forgotten...why oh why did I ever think that?  LOL  So last week, Maddie's friend was over and she went with my two kids and I to Giant Eagle to pick up a couple of things.  We were walking out in the parking lot to the van...I was in front of all the kids...and I heard Maddie say, "Oh my gosh, Becky!"  I heard a pause and in my mind's eye I could just see the kids looking at my butt and laughing secretly :)  SO....I turned around and said to Maddie, "Are you lookin at my butt?"....Maddie said, "NO!!!" with an incredulous tone.......how DARE I ask something like that?  Then Isaac pipes in....."I am!"  LOL man.........that boy has got some issues!

Our cat Malachi was on the kitchen counter....likely place to find him now that our fish tank is there.  The rule is...Malachi can be on the counter as long as he's looking at the fish.  If he's just layin there lounging...that's not a good enough reason for him to be on my counter.  So....he's layin there lounging....and Isaac gets the spray bottle to spray him to get him off of the counter.  Just then, Malachi looks at the fish.  "That's what I thought, Malachi!  Look at the fish!"  Isaac puts the spray bottle down.  Malachi looks away from the fish.  Isaac gets the spray bottle and looks over the top of it with one eye squinted shut....LOL...I said, "What are you doin, buddy?"  He said, "I'm sniping him!"  ROFL....what the devil?!?!?  SNIPING HIM????  Hahaha

Valentines Day....cards from the kids....love in the air :)  Isaac makes me this card:
FRONT: From Isaac To Momy
INSIDE LEFT: Happy Valentines DAY
INSIDE RIGHT: I (heart) you! hoo dao you (heart)....translation....who do you love...heehee....then he made two dotted lines for me to answer the question and handed me a marker and stood there....waiting for me to write his name on the lines....so I did....and wrote Maddie's name...and then he said, "don't forget Jesus."  Awwwww......precious. :)

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So today I was thinking about a decision I made about a month and a half ago.  I was at a crossroads.  And I chose.  Did I make the right choice?  I agonize over stuff like this.  Overanalyze myself....not so sure how much good it does most times....but sometimes it does give me some insight into myself and into others.  I made the easier, most obvious choice.  It was also safer.  It was a choice made more in line with my belief system of myself....which most times isn't a good one.  I made the decision I did out of loyalty and a sense of fairness, and avoided the fear of the other choice being the right one.  If loyalty and fairness are such admirable qualities, why do I feel so crappy? 

More analyzing....what about vulnerability?  Should I stop making myself vulnerable?  It comes easy for me sometimes...other times not so much.  Most of the time, it feels more natural to be vulnerable than to not.  But if I get a negative reaction from being vulnerable, I feel like taking back my vulnerability and putting up walls.  And it feels uncomfortable.  God didn't make me that way.  He created me to be in relationship with others.  He created ALL of us to be in relationship.  And that means being vulnerable.  Even when it hurts.  Being real.  So few people are real all of the time...or even most of the time.  We hide behind our walls, our masks, because being vulnerable means there's opportunity for us to be rejected, laughed at, misunderstood...and that's not fun.  But then how fun is it to walk through life with nobody really knowing you?  It's lonely.  Isolated.  Dark.  It hurts my heart to know that some people live like that all the time...out of fear.  And all it would take to change all of that is a choice.  One decision.  Then another.  And another.  Until it becomes easier, and easier, and happens more often.  Becoming vulnerable.  Scary.  But I think so necessary for a fulfilled, joy-filled existance. 

Tomorrow I am going to start with the first hour that I am awake and determine to make myself vulnerable one time that hour with someone I come into contact with.  Then the following hour I will make the decision again.....maybe it will be as simple as telling someone that they "look beautiful today."  It may be that I tell someone how important they are to me....and resist the fear to not tell them....because regardless of their reaction, I know it will be good for them to know that.  Pick something little.....be daring and choose something BIG....but try.  Just take one hour at a time.............:)