Mysterious Ways...

What a day.  Payroll Mondays...the busiest day of the week.  Add to that putting out fires from the weekend.  Acquiring the on-call phone for the next week.  Staff crises. Client crises.  Too much coffee.  Too little chocolate.  Multi-line office phones ringing.  On call phone ringing.  Work cell ringing.  Personal cell ringing.  Late lunch.  More crises.  Getting that last bit of work in before 5...work still piled on my desk...gotta get through the traffic and pick up the kids by 6.

Picked up the kids.  Arguing in back seat.  (oh my gosh...are they SERIOUS?!?!)....home to make dinner and help with homework.  Personal cell rings.  It's my ex-husband on the caller ID.  He just got back from a plane trip to Minnesota...terrified of flying.  Hmmmm....nope.  Not pickin it up.  Not in the mood to talk and I don't wanna be rude.  So I let it go.  No message.  No text.  Guess it wasn't important.  Kids start playing and don't want me around so I get on Facebook to unwind...whaddya know the ex is on there...and instant messages me.  Great.  He says he needed me.  He was at the store and wanted Isaac's pants size and that it was too late now.  I told him I was sorry...that I didn't wanna talk and that's why I didn't pick up.  I told him if he had left a message or text I would have gotten back to him if it was important.  He doesn't leave messages or like to send texts.  Go figure.  So he asked me what was wrong.  I went through the whole story....

I have S.A.D....Seasonal Affective Disorder...basically when the days start getting shorter and darker and it gets colder out, my mood changes.  I get symptoms of depression and anxiety...and the less light I get, the worse it gets.  For years I have gone on a small dose of an antidepressant from October through February or March...just to take the edge off.  If I don't, I get very irritable, am short with others, have little patience, and become very depressed.  One year not too long ago I thought I was going to try to make it through the winter without it.  By January I was suicidal.  The sun helps your body make melatonin...which elevates your mood.  Less sun, less melatonin, more down feelings.  So I went on the same antidepressant I was on last year once October hit.  For some reason I reacted with severe migraines almost daily.  So I went off of that...waited for a doctor appointment...went back and got a script for a different med...and that made me severely nauseous...went off of that...waited for a doctor appointment...got on another med...you get the point.  So by this time I am experiencing the full-blown anxiety and starting to feel the depression that comes when I don't take any medicine.  And I have just had a really rough day....

So I explained all this to my ex-husband...not in such great detail because he knows most of this from experience.  I was expecting something like, "Oh, just get out and do something."  or "You don't need medicine."  But that is not at all what I got:

Well here is some wisdom...for your depression...are you listening?
When i was flying...
i saw the clouds
and was above them
and there was the sun
and it was beautiful
and clear and pristine
and then as we went down it was suddenly dark
and no llight was around
and when i landed it was grey
and dead
ish
but the point is that no matter what you feel
or how dark it appears
above the dark cloud is the sun
and it shines every day
no matter what
i thought that today
so all the crap we go through
and the loneliness
and the pain
and the anxiety
if you look past all of that
there is the sun
or the Son
its an illusion
its profound reality how and when God chooses to speak to me
problems are just clouds hiding the light
the key is to continue
on your course
focusing on kids
work
paying bills
and surviving
just one day at a time...and look no further

I was crying after the first few lines of that.  Here was a man that in the past I have exchanged horrible words with...whom I have despised and held bitterness and anger in my heart....here he was being used by God...willingly...to comfort my heart and encourage my spirit.  Wow.  I am once again amazed by Him.  He can truly do anything...nothing is too great for Him.  Thank You, Lord.